to anyone reading this judging me as guilty by association of any views espoused or formerly espoused by the artist to whom this post is addressed: i formed and drafted the thoughts expressed in the following post prior to the attacks of 10.7.2023. further, i aspire or defer to the enlightened mind of jesus christ, who forgives and loves his persecutors. this post is in no way intended to condone views expressed in hostility toward the chosen. if there is any hope for the middle east, it may only lie with jesus/isa/yeshua.

@kanyewest this logo caught my eye while i was stopped at a stoplight, and i interpreted it as a question as to why i bombed at apollo and failed to achieve success as a rapper. maybe i’m reaching, but here i am.

in my understanding, there are multiple answers, some of which may interest you as a fellow believer and christian.

1) in about 2003, i worked at barnes & noble as a cashier and went to a church in the south south bronx with some fellows from work. we prayed together at the church (“wallowed on the floor” shoutout the song “b.i.b.l.e” by wu-tang).  the leader of our prayer prayed to the “father god” without mentioning jesus, as far as i remember. i later learned that the bible instructs me to approach the father not directly, but through the son, jesus. i believe that we approached the father directly, in the south bx birthplace of hiphop, and i later experienced the wrath of God at apollo.

in the years prior to apollo, i was at times a menacing, malicious person.  that energy came back to me sevenfold or so at apollo.

“those who axalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Matthew 23:12.

i declared myself “the greatest ever” in our song “suffer.” i was inspired by muhammad ali, ricky young, and the schools i had attended that messaged us something to the effect of being “gifted” or “the best & brightest” or some nonsense like that when we were kids. that message may be useful to get kids to believe in the possibility of greatness, but my ego is not my amigo. i exalted myself, and was humbled.

alternatively, “no guts, no glory.” in the months leading up to my apollo appearance, i knew what song to do: “undefeatable.” yet somewhere along the way, i started doubting if i was really that dude — and also began fearing possible consequences. i know you’ve dealt with hearing voices — so have i. one of the whispers i heard and interpreted as intuition said to me that “fame = death.” so i thought if i continued to be the fearsome animal i had been during several years in the streets that someone or someones might test me, clash, and result in my mortal death.